A letter from mom.

this is a letter I wrote today to my oldest son. Please keep us in your prayers! M Well – Where do I begin? Your brother has recently gotten into some trouble. You'd think he would have learned first hand to say far far away from trouble. I wish you were here to talk to him. I love you. He needs someone out here who can tell him first hand that this is not the road he wants to travel down. He needs someone to be honest and say “I’ve been there and it sucks” All I can hope for him is that this is the worlds greatest wake up call ever. EVER. We’re all shell shocked feeling. The little boys are teary-eyed as are we. They don’t understand. Hell, we don’t understand to be honest. It’s like having a reoccurring bad dream. It’s so hard to love someone as much as our kids – and see them making their life so hard. We want MORE for our kids. We want sunshine and happiness and merry-go-rounds. Not dark grimy parts to their life story. I know it’s what makes us truly who we are – the tough times we survive. But parents ache as much if not more. Guess it’s just the other side to that coin of getting all those hugs and kisses from sweet babies. You get all full on smiles and giggles – and then you have to keep that in the front of you minds when you are watching them do difficult things. When they are making their mistakes and learning things the hard way. The hard way sucks. It’s not that we want to keep you from having fun – it’s that we know that although you are free to make your own choices – you still have to live with the consiquences of those choices. It’s excrutiating to love someone so much. To have held their hand while they learned to walk, cheered them on when they rode bikes (or God forbid jumped off shed roofs into apple trees)…..sat up nights praying their fever would come down when they were sick…fed them the best you could….loved them always….and watch them hurt themselves. I guess it’s a part of growing up – of learning who you are – but believe me – it’s no easier on the parent! After years of trying to keep someone safe, it’s so very hard to let them go. Hoping and praying that it’s all going to be Okay. Hoping and praying. And loving them. ~ALWAYS~