Next Tuesday I have to (well..get to..)give my Toastmasters speech #2 - Now I'm sure there are typos, but since I'll be trying HARD to memorize it....I just cut and pasted it here.
Hope it makes you smile!






I describe myself as a wife of one, mother of six and "mema" of two perfect grandbaby girls.If there is anything I have learned in 24 years of parenting it's this:They are up to something.


Today I'm going to explain why it is MOST important for you to remember this ONE sentence at all times. Now maybe you say "well I'm not a parent!" That doesn't matter I assure you. At some time you will find yourself “in charge” of children - be it in a family setting, being an aunt or uncle...or in an emergency babysitter setting when your friends call you begging.
You may think to yourself - they're darling - they're innocent - they couldn’t possibly be up to anything

I'm here to show you differently.

There are four main times when you should be concerned. Really only four

Numer one when they're noisy - Say they are in the back yard - they sound like they are having a fabulous time they probably are! - This should immediatly tip you off that a sibling is tied to something.
No one has THAT great a time without involving torture. Please proceed quickly but with caution to assist that situation.

Number two - when they use their “normal” voices. You know the child who nonchalantly walks through the living room and says “Hey mom whatcha doing?!” while you are on the computer - I mean doing something important?! That child is a spy!
That child has been sent to find out *Where you are *what you’re doing and * how long it looks like you’ll stay busy and blissfully unaware of the madness that is happening somewhere else in the household!
Normal voices are also the ones used at the dinner table full of family and friends for your little darling to pipe up with “I helped make the salad while mom was yelling at dad for inviting people over!” or Heaven forbid “Where DO babies come from?”. The thing to remember about NORMAL is :THEY’RE UP TO SOMETHING!

Number three Whispers. Whispers are not a good sign. Whispers in “happy sibling times” are used to tell that HORRIBLY dirty joke the kid down the street told them. (Oh don’t worry your youngest won’t understand it...but they WILL amazingly memorize it and repeat it back in “normal” voice at some opportune time such as Sunday School or that dinner table scenario we just talked about!)
Whispers in “ugly sibling times” are reserved for statements like “just you wait till mom and dad aren’t home” or “when sis leaves I’m gonna brush the dogs teeth with HER toothbrush!”. Whispers can only mean one thing. THEY’RE UP TO SOMETHING!

Number four - oh last but not least - number four. SILENCE. ( P A U S E ) SCARY!
Silence is a lack of sound….NOT a lack of TROUBLE!! I happen to know that Silence is employed when making “snow” in their rooms with the restaurant sized container of Garlic powder. Silence apparently is required when seeing how many matchbox cars can fit into a toilet. Silence is the only sound you hear just before checking on your precious toddler who is supposedly napping in their darling nursery you painstakingly decorated - only to find that they have removed their diaper and are re-decorating with the contents.
Silence is that chill down many a parents spine when they suddenly realize - THERE IS NO NOISE….THEY’RE UP. TO. SOMETHING.

Now we all know time flies. They go from infants to toddlers, toddlers to tweens, tweens to twentys and you think “ahhhh those days are all behind me!” You let down your guard. You forget! Then one day they bring your perfect little grand children over and while you are doling out kisses and cookies, your adult child will say “hey mom...what are you doing ?”

YOU WILL NOT EVEN SEE IT COMING! THEN AS YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO WAVE GOODBYE WITH A GRAND BABY IN EACH ARM - YOU WILL REMEMBER..THEY WERE USING THEIR NORMAL VOICES…..THEY ARE ALWAYS UP TO SOMETHING!