Just write - the fourth -I'mperfect

I'mperfect. miss-spelling totally intended.

Last night, as I lay in bed with grandbaby girl on one side and baby boy on the other....my husband came in and laughed because the only way for him to fit was across the foot of the bed.so he did. We both smiled at each other because it was so imperfect and yet so very perfect.

Our evening routine consists of dinner, bath, fresh pajamas, baba for one...sippie for other....and songs. lots and lots of songs.
As I lay there last night.....both little ones held my hands. grandbaby girl on one side and baby boy on the other. their little fingers softly tracing my fingers. how huge my hands must feel to them. their hands so soft and new still.
I remembered a time...oh so many years ago. The first time i held hands with a boy. He was a rough and tough football player....he was the ripe old age of 16. I was 15 and life was still soft and new. We had gone to the city...an hour away...and we held hands the whole way...our fingers softly traced each others...love was soft and new.
Time flys forward 26 years.
Im surrounded by love. sprawled out in every direction. with babas and sippies, and a rough and tough football coach...same boy turned man. now he's the ripe old age of 42.
As a tear slips down my face, i think....this is where we've always been headed. In my heart I KNOW it. Those first feelings of love so many years ago.Those electrical tingles.... That love was a force that has never stopped energizing my world. That love now will continue into a whole new generation of love. and on. and on. and on.
As I gently placed each little one into their own bed....we turned and fluffed pillows and straightened quilts. Once again just us. I reached for his hand. and it's familiar warmth perfectly matched the love in my heart.



Linking up over at: Just Write at the "EO"

Just write - the third

I sit at my keyboard wondering how the typing has gotten so loud in the last hour or so.
one word.


MIGRAINE

my teeth ache
my eyes ache
it makes me nauseaous to swallow or breathe or move.

my mind feels like molasses...I try to remember all the things I'm supposed to be doing.
coffee may help. then again...it may not.
bc powders usually help...do I have any with me?
where is my purse?
why is my purse so difficult to find anything in?
i should clean it out.
i should clean out my car and house too...but it won't happen today that's for sure...
how do some women "do it all" ??
i wonder if they get migraines - those perfect super women...the organized happy "I love to clean the house" types.
do they have days like this?
the "hey it's cereal for breakfast..and maybe cereal again for dinner!" kind of days
(as long as said cereal bag doesn't crinkle so loudly?)
how long till my break is over....?
maybe I could sleep for 10 minutes...would I feel better or would it only make me that "I just tried to sleep for 10 minutes and now I feel MUCH worse" kind of crabby?
probably.
maybe.
perhaps.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


linking up at Just write

Please pray

My grand babies had what they're calling an "accident".
They were unattended (babysitters were evidently sleeping or passed out)and they somehow managed to pull a dresser over ontop of themselves (HUGE 6' solid wood dresser)
the older one (2) only had a bloody lip and a huge bump on her head (no concussion)
The younger (9mo) has 4 broken ribs and contusions on her lungs with some air behind her lung.
She is in ICU
Please pray for her.
Please pray for me. I need either prayer or bail money (just kidding of course)
I AM furious.
Thank you in advance for your prayers for Jazmine :(

************EDITED******************** TO ADD NEW NEWS!
Emergency surgery was done yesterday to put in a 2" tube through her back to drain excess fluid that had built up around the lungs.
She will be in ICU for this week and then will go into a regular hospital room for a few more weeks of observation.
She is receiving morphine for pain and is not allowed to be held (!!)as a baby that's all she wants!! :(
Please keep up in your prayers!

this too....

i wake after a long night of cuddling and calming and singing and baby tylenol doses. i wake to find that sleeping (little) and holding (lots) have left my nerves pinched in my neck and looking left is not an option (at least for today). pinched nerves and raw nerves may be the order of the day. i am at work (a blessing that does not feel like a blessing today)i want to be home with my little sickie boy. i can hear the traffic behind my head outside my office window and i am longing to be in one of those vehicles. headed north. headed home.
i will be - soon. i know that the saying "this too shall pass" is not only about the sickness, but also about the "mama anxiety" that comes along with it. i will take my coffee break and slowly sip my morning energy..begin to focus on the beauty of the day. the joy that comes in the morning. the blessings that we must be thankful for even when we don't want to be. i will feel the sun's rays beaming in my office window and give thanks. i guess if i can't look left - at least i can keep "looking up" :)


i'm linking up today over at: http://extraordinary-ordinary.net/

The Clock

The ticking of the clock on the wall is only really there when I choose to hear it. Although it is always in the background, it only annoys me when I allow it to. Oftentimes I just ignore it. Pushing it back behind the constant hum of the cars rolling by outside my office window. Behind the click clack of my typing.
The typing feels good on my early morning fingers and I wonder if I too will have to deal with arthritis as my mama does. aging sucks. and yet i would not go back even if i could.
The ticking of yet another clock is in my mind.
I am 41 and I am sad. I have been sad for too long. For no reason.over every reason.
My life is good. My family is wonderful. My tears still flow.
3 months since the loss. I should be fine.Postpartum doesn't happen after only 3 months of pregnancy right? who knows. time clicks on.
each non-pregnant month brings me more selective hearing on the ticking. Some days i hear it. some days i ignore it. above all else I try not to think the "where would I be now if only" thoughts.....how far along...too sad...just re-focus on some hum or click clack to distract.
The clock on the wall reminds me that my break time is over. I must get back to work. Back to "reality". To deal with the day at hand. Schedules, meetings, stuff to file away.
How ironic that both clocks remind me of the exact same thing.
tick

tick

tick

tick

tick

tick






The above was written to link up with "Just write" over at The Extraordinary Ordinary

Why don't you join us? I think it would be lovely!
See ya over at "The EO" :)


With all my heart ~
Michelle

"letter from Mom"

To my children -
I am your parent 1st. Your friend 2nd. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane , be your worst nightmare & hunt you down like a bloodhound when I haven’t heard from you for too long because I LOVE YOU.
When you understand that, I’ll know that you are a responsible adult.
You will NEVER find someone who loves, cares &
worries about you more than I do!
If you don’t hate me at least once in your life - I am not doing my job properly.
Love, Mom


Just to make you smile on Wednesday!
~With all my heart!
Michelle

Who is this mom?! OH hey! It's me!

Well - I have to tell you - I have changed over the many years of parenting!

I'm sure some for the better and some for the worse....but I HAVE changed!


I'm no longer the first time mother who carries the diaper bag containing half of a baby super store! (6 outfits...200 diapers...lotion, wash, tylenol, thermometer, baby hair brush - even though baby is bald as a cue ball) etc. etc. etc....

I no longer (although maybe I never did...) feel that each new baby requires a new stroller....walker...bouncer...play pen...

I also no longer think that "bigger is better" when it comes to baby gear (eegads try fitting all that gear into a trunk!- each outing becomes a major move!)

But I have also gone the other way in my parenting....
After reading several articles (including one over at Strollerderby this morning) about how DANGEROUS it is for toddlers to be facing forwards in their car seats....(#1 reason for toddler fatalities is car accidents!!) my baby and grand babies will be facing backwards till they're 13 or so! (lol okay maybe only 4)

When I go to the store and see a sale on toddler meds (tylenol, teething gel...both "regular" or homeopathic) I STOCK UP!! seriously! No matter what - you WILL need these items sooner or later and it's bad (I MEAN BAD!) to find yourself at 3 am with a feverish baby and NO meds!

I have also learned to pre-stock on small sale items like birthday gifts (oy! I can't tell you how many times we had to put a $5 bill in an envelope because one of the kids "surprised" us with yet another birthday party to go to LAST MINUTE!)

I'm still the mama who asks everyone to use hand-sanitizer before holding my babies for the first few months (sorry - can't let that "germ" thing go :0)lol

But I'm also the mama who doesn't mind if the 7 year old holds the sleeping baby while I quickly do up a load of dishes (my boys are going to be QUITE the catch for some lucky ladies down the road a bit! - they are all SO WONDERFUL with babies - and they all have tons of experience!)

So...that's just a few changes I thought about this morning...

No - I don't worry about each and every little "phase" they go through anymore....I am well aware that "this too shall pass"....but I do monitor the sugar and "junk food" a LOT harder than I did years ago....

I HOPE with age comes wisdom.....I'd hate to think after ALL the lessons I've learned (most of them THE HARD WAY!)I hadn't truly LEARNED anything at all :)
How about you- how have you changed?

Are you more strict or more lenient on things?
I can't wait to hear!
With all my heart!~
Michelle